


Bluebells

by Northflower



Category: Warriors - Erin Hunter
Genre: Angst, F/F, Hanahaki Disease, Knowing me, you probably know what's coming rip
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-24
Updated: 2018-08-25
Packaged: 2019-07-01 23:33:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15784401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Northflower/pseuds/Northflower
Summary: Leafpool wakes up beside the Moonpool with stabbing pain in her chest. She suspects greencough, but soon discovers herbs can't cure this kind of a disease.





	1. Roots

The shimmering moonlight shines through the branches of the naked trees, reflecting back from the heavy cover of snow. Leafpool has never particularly enjoyed leaf-bare, and not only because of the greencough outbreaks, but also because of the snow in general. Her short legs are no match to the thick layer of white now brushing her underbelly. This is the worst kind of snow, the kind that gives out when you step on it. Out of breath, she voices her annoyance to Mothwing, whose superior, excellent for swimming legs step forward almost effortlessly.

”You’d like this kind of snow more if your fur was longer,” Mothwing responds, and despite her struggle Leafpool can find a memory in her head of Mothwing’s struggle at the beginning of the season when the snow was still damp, carrying twice her weight of snow as snowballs stuck on her fur. She purrs in amusement, and the golden medicine cat rolls her eyes.

Leafpool checks behind herself to see that Jayfeather is still following behind. Willowshine is trying to strike up a conversation with the grumpy tom, a quest doomed to fail.

The medicine cats pick up their pace as they see the familiar shine of Moonpool ahead, illuminated by the stars above. Leafpool can still remember how magical it looked the first time she saw it. She sighs. It’s been countless moons since that, and so many things have changed… her fellow medicine cats have been accepting of her but many cats still think of her and her kits as freaks that should’ve been ridden out of the Clans a long time ago. Some dark days, she regrets her mistake and how she could’ve let go of everything she knew because of some tom. How she ruined not only hers, but both of their lives, and Crowfeather’s family’s as well. But then she sees Jayfeather working in the medicine den, or Lionblaze playing with kits, teaching them simple battle moves, and she knows she wouldn’t have had it any other way.

“Leafpool? Are you okay?”

The brown tabby jumps as she’s shaken from her thoughts by a wet nose touching her cheek. She looks to her side to see Mothwing’s fluffy face only a whisker-length from hers, her eyes gleaming with concern. Leafpool wonders what she might have done that signaled Mothwing that she was going through some not-so-pleasant memories, and forces herself to smile and respond:

“Yes, I am.”

“You sure?”

Leafpool nods, and Mothwing turns away to face the Moonpool. Still out of breath from the walking, Leafpool crouches beside her, ready to dip her nose in the icy water when Mothwing nuzzles closer to her for warmth. Leafpool’s chest feels like it’s on fire, and she can’t decide whether that because of the trek anymore. Anxiety fills her. Hopefully, she’s not catching her clanmates’ greencough… She presses closer to Mothwing’s soft fur to warm her chest. The golden tabby purrs in contentment. Leafpool catches a glimpse of her shining eyes and then looks away.

_She’s really warm…_

Leafpool shakes her head and decides it’s time to focus on the task at hand; sharing with Starclan. Mothwing laps at the water before lowering her head, preparing for a nice little nap while the other medicine cats fall unconscious all around her. With one last glance at Mothwing, Leafpool touches the water.

But she doesn’t dream of Starclan.

Leafpool opens her eyes to a snowy field lined with willows. She knows she’s dreaming because she can’t feel the cold, and all she can hear is the river running under the ice… She blinks until her eyes get used to the blinding sunlight coming from every direction, and spots someone on the other side of the river, the cat’s golden fur waving in the light breeze… And if there was any trace of cold left in Leafpool’s lithe body, all of that is now gone. The cat turns around, and Leafpool’s heart skips a beat. She runs through the snow, her legs not sinking into it anymore but instead, she’s light enough to run on top of it, her paws barely touching the snow anymore… but just as she starts running across the frozen river, there’s pain. she skids to a halt and clutches at her chest, gasping for breath as the stabbing anguish spreads all over her body, almost making her stumble. She looks up. The golden-furred cat has walked up to her. Leafpool grits her teeth as another wave of pain beats from her chest. The cat starts to shake her and meow:

“Leafpool!”

The brown medicine cat slides her claws out. It hurts so much…

“Leafpool, wake up!”

And like that, she jolts awake beside Moonpool, seeing Mothwing first and then slowly becoming aware of the other medicine cats looking at her with anxiety or pique.

But the pain isn’t gone.

Leafpool breathes through her teeth, heaving until the thorns in her chest slowly subside. By then, Jayfeather has already found her side and is feeling his mother’s chest with his paw. Any annoyance from undoubtedly having been awakened from their sharing with Starclan is gone from the cats gathered around the pool, now padding closer with concern.

“It doesn’t feel like a greencough…” Jayfeather murmurs under his breath. Leafpool stands up and tries to look more certain than she feels.

“Well, it wouldn’t be unusual for a medicine cat to catch their patients’ sickness,” she speaks with a raspy voice that sends her coughing a little. The other cats seem to agree and as soon they start to say their goodbyes and head back to their own respective Clans. Leafpool and Jayfeather start to make their departure but Mothwing calls after Leafpool:

“Are you sure you’ll be okay to walk?”

“What if I wasn’t? Would you carry me?” Leafpool purrs, then instantly feels another sharp stab of pain in her chest. She looks at Mothwing’s yellow eyes, hoping she didn’t notice the flinch. The Riverclan medicine cat looks her in the eye for a heartbeat before turning away to head after Willowshine, who’s waiting for her mentor to come with her.

Leafpool shivers on the way to the camp and can feel Jayfeather keeping a close eye on her, even though he doesn’t say anything. She has to cough once more, and that time she’s surprised to find a blue flower petal on the snow in front of her.


	2. Bud

Leafpool wakes up at night again to a cough. Waking up most of the cats in the overcrowded medicine den who have finally fallen asleep and are understandably cranky, Leafpool excuses herself to shakily pad out of the den and all the way to the forest outside the camp. Jayfeather tries to come after her but must return as one of the kits starts mewling with a scratchy voice at being woken up. Leafpool is thankful for the privacy.

Out there she coughs up those intruding flower petals that were blocking her throat, as well as some blood that spatters onto the snow beside the petals, bright red and blue against white. Once she feels like she can breathe again she sucks in the chilly night air, looking up at the stars.

It had become clear that this was no ordinary cough.

Once they’d gotten back to the camp that day, Jayfeather had offered her some catnip but Leafpool had insisted on it being given to the patients who were surely sick instead. Jayfeather had snapped at her, telling her that he’d have to take care of every cat by himself if she got sick, but Leafpool still refused the catnip.

Once the coughing got noticeably worse and Leafpool was feeling perhaps worse than ever, she did give in to Jayfeather’s demands for her to eat some of the savored catnip. He made her eat a lot of it, apparently planning to clear her entire disease at once, and Leafpool didn’t have the energy to object at this point.

But catnip didn’t work.

Her coughing got worse.

She’d been trying to hide the petals from her Clanmates. Jayfeather was blind and could probably not smell the additional herbs in the medicine den, but he knew the tang of blood and decided that Leafpool needed more herbs than the other patients.

Honey didn’t work.

Lungwort didn’t work.

Tansy didn’t work.

They even went as far as to borrow coltsfoot from Shadowclan, but it had no effect.

Jayfeather had started to suspect something like what Briarlight had, but Leafpool knew better. Briarlight never coughed up flower petals. Besides, she thought - hoped – that whatever the paralyzed she-cat was experiencing was nothing like what she was. Her chest was burning, every intake of breath hurt, her heart was beating faster than normal, and she was very aware of it; yet, it filled her with happiness combined with anxiety.

Mothwing came to see her with Willowshine once, checking if they could help in any way. Leafpool hadn’t wanted to worry the golden she-cat and had prepared to try to suppress her symptoms, but when Mothwing’s face poked into the medicine den Leafpool’s heart started racing, and the burn was stronger than it had ever been that far.

Still, it was nothing compared to the pain she felt when the Riverclan medicine cats left back to their own territory.

Leafpool could remember every moment spent with Mothwing that day very clearly. She recalled every detail; her scent, her soft, shiny fur brushing against hers, the texture of her pads as she felt her fellow medicine cat’s chest as she breathed, her hoarse tongue licking her back for comfort as she hacked…

Every thought like this felt like fire roasting her fur and flesh, burning her into ashes, yet she kept returning to these brief moments with Mothwing and would’ve done anything to experience them again. Her beautiful eyes, how she talked about things that sounded foolish to Leafpool with such sweet passion, how her fluffy tail swished around as she avoided stepping on any of the sick cats in the den, how her voice got low with worry and desperation as she stated that she’s never seen anything like Leafpool’s disease…

Leafpool wasn’t a fool. She had felt this before. But for so long she’d thought she couldn’t feel it anymore, as the first time had ended up in such a disaster. She didn’t know if she even wanted to feel it again, but the tabby certainly couldn’t help it.

Leafpool felt her chest, from which small blue flowers were poking out. Her sleek fur couldn’t hide them for much longer. Soon, everyone was going to see the sprouts. Hot shame filled her body. The brown tabby didn’t want to repeat her biggest mistake.

But it hadn’t hurt this much the last time…

Jayfeather would run out of things to try eventually. What would happen then?

At that, Leafpool shook with another strong cough, more blood coming up and staining the snow and the light fur of her muzzle. There were some of those beautiful, cursed petals as well, but not nearly as much as usual. Or maybe they were stuck. Maybe she just had to cough a little harder…

She vomited an entire blue flower with bloody roots.


	3. Wither

Jayfeather found out about the flowers.

Leafpool had hacked up entire flowers for multiple times now, and every time it hurt like her heart was being ripped apart. This alone wasn’t too difficult to hide; she’d just have to face the medicine den wall and hide everything that came up under the moss. The tiny sprouts on her chest had become larger and the brown medicine cat had tried to tug them off, but she’d soon found out that had been a grave mistake. Not only did it hurt like hell, the roots of these tiny, beautiful blooms in her lungs or maybe even heart, refusing to let go, but every flower Leafpool succeeded in removing was quickly replaced by two new ones.

However, it hadn’t been those flowers on her chest that gave away her disease.

Leafpool often woke up at night, the debris of the wonderful dream she’d been having still in her tired eyes as she coughed up whatever was blocking her breathing that time. Usually, she’d stay awake for a while after that, trying to remember her dream even though it hurt, before after what seemed like forever she’d fall back asleep. Sometimes, if the sun was already shining on the tallest trees in the horizon, Leafpool would just give up and get to work, and Jayfeather would tell her off for skipping some of the sleep she so badly needed.

But this time, it was different.

She coughed and coughed, trying to leave the den but collapsing right back as she threw up a few stray petals. Still, she couldn’t breathe. Panic was filling her senses, her vision going dark. She tried again to cough, but there was no air left in her lungs. Every attempt to get more of that precious oxygen seemed to only make the blockage in her throat tighter. She felt like she was drowning and started thrashing around, every movement weaker than the previous one. All she could hear was a high-pitched noise, she was only dimly aware of Jayfeather by her side as she slipped into the darkness.

Once she could see again, she coughed up the remaining flowers and tasted that sweet, sweet oxygen. She became aware of her surroundings and her heart sank; her son was holding a cluster of petals and flowers, wet with vomit and saliva in his paw.

After that, Leafpool wasn’t even allowed to leave the den anymore and either Briarlight or Jayfeather would stay beside her at all times. The older medicine cat’s ears felt hot with shame as Jayfeather promptly announced everyone in the medicine den that if they ever woke up to Leafpool trashing around or breathing noisily, they should wake both her and Jayfeather to ensure what happened last night never happened again.

Leafpool felt it was useless.

This disease was going to kill her. She just knew it. No herbs could cure it, and it kept swiftly getting worse and worse. Nothing could help her.

Sometimes the pain was so great that Leafpool wished she could just forget about Mothwing altogether. Just get rid of the flowers in her chest, the light-headedness whenever she was around the golden medicine cat, her face in her head whenever she wasn’t too busy thinking about anything else…

But she couldn’t forget.

And even if she did… would it really be worth it? Would she exchange the pain for feeling nothing at all?

She was trapped by her own heart.

And it was going to kill her.

But if that was really what it was going to come to, she didn’t want to die thinking about how she’d never be able to have Mothwing in her life.

Being around her, despite hurting, made her feel more alive than in moons. Now, as she’d fallen ill, she never saw Mothwing unless she came to the camp. Not even at gatherings or medicine cat meetings. She hated it. She wanted to see her again.

If she’d died last night, then she never would’ve.

With that thought, Leafpool mixed some poppy seeds to Briarlight’s herbs, waited until Jayfeather went to sleep with the paralyzed she-cat following soon after and then slipped out of the den and snuck to the camp entrance. Her legs were shaking with the effort and there were blood and petals falling out of her mouth, but she managed to step into the woods.

There was even more snow now than there had been back during that night at the Moonpool. Leafpool was moving slow, the freezing cold making her shiver as she vomited those blue flowers along with her own blood.

She knew what she should’ve done; turn back to the camp and maybe live a few more days before the flowers fill her lungs and cause her to suffocate.

But she was determined to make it to Riverclan. Even if it’d be the last trip she’d ever make. This crazy determination was not unfamiliar to her by any means, and it pounded strong in her heart as the moon and the stars turned in the sky. Suddenly, there was more snow falling from the black sky. That snow turned into a blizzard. Leafpool’s tired legs ached as she continued to press forward in the snow.

The sun could be seen peeking from behind the moorland when she collapsed.


	4. Bloom

Mothwing was resting beside the den wall as to shield herself from the icy breeze and snow trying to invade through the entrance. Willowshine was lying next to her, fast asleep while the golden she-cat kept an eye on the patients. Her apprentice hadn’t slept in days, insisting on staying awake and taking care of the cats, and as she finally lost collapsed from exhaustion Mothwing told everyone not to wake her. The rest was well-deserved.

The younger medicine cat had always been a life saver, ever since she was a little kit, and was very passionate about her work. Sometimes too passionate, but Mothwing knew she couldn’t have had a better apprentice.

The morning light was shining into the den, and the medicine cat repositioned herself to make sure none of the warm rays would fall onto Willowshine’s sleeping face. She could use a little more rest before continuing with her duties.

Apparently, that wasn’t meant to be.

There were howls of warning and aggression in the camp, and just like that Willowshine jumped awake, immediately trying to apologize for falling asleep but Mothwing rejected the apology, insisting that she deserved to sleep just like anyone else. The medicine cat apprentice only calmed down once Mothwing assured her she’ll be able to work more effectively now that she’s rested.

Padding outside to see what all the fuzz was about, Mothwing recognized two Thunderclan cats being escorted into the camp; Brightheart and Cloudtail. Mothwing’s and Cloudtail’s eyes met, and he called out to her:

“Mothwing! We have a message from Jayfeather!”

Instantly, dread filled Mothwing’s body. It wasn’t usually her and Jayfeather who’d communicate. Leafpool would usually come to visit if she had anything to stay, but she had fallen dangerously ill… What if the Thunderclan cats were bringing news on the matter? What if Leafpool, the one whom she’d trusted with her darkest secrets, the one who’d helped her get over her brother’s death, the one who’d always been beside her, had died overnight? Mothwing felt like her pads had frozen to the ground but forced herself to come to see the outsiders anyways.

“Is it about Leafpool?” she asked before giving either of the cats a chance to speak. What the golden medicine cat thought was relief filled Brightheart’s eye.

“Yes… is she here?”

Mothwing was confused, and shook her head a little, watching the despair return to the two Thunderclan cats’ eyes. Cloudtail lowered her head, murmuring something along the lines “Jayfeather thought she might…” when Willowshine padded to her mentor’s side, glancing at her worried and puzzled eyes before asking the Thunderclan cats why they were here.

Apparently, Leafpool had gone missing last night and because of the blizzard, her tracks couldn’t be followed. Mothwing felt as if it was her and not Leafpool who was freezing and dying out there in the cold… The blood in her veins had turned to ice with worry. The two cats started to make their leave when Mothwing called after them that she could help look for Leafpool. They looked back at her with silent gratitude before leaving.

Mothwing barely stopped to watch them go, ignored the growling in her stomach and left the camp. It was still quite dark and the wind howled in her ears. A sense of hopelessness filled her; you could barely see out there! She could walk right past Leafpool and still miss her if she wasn’t careful!

“Leafpool!” she called out once getting some distance from the camp. Her voice echoed in the dim light, but there was no response. In fact, even if there had been, she wasn’t sure if she could hear it. The sound of the wind was covering everything else.

Desperately she ran in the snow, stopping to look around every now and then, trying to smell the air but if there was any trace of a scent she couldn’t tell what it was or where it was coming from. Her eyes were streaming from the breeze, her voice was getting hoarse, and there was no sign of the other medicine cat.

She barely noticed that she’d passed the Windclan border, now pressing forward on the moor, hoping to find something, _anything,_ that’d signal Leafpool was still alive.

Then, miraculously, she spotted some pink snow.

She brushed aside some of the snow that had fallen to cover the bright red substance, tried to figure out whether it was Leafpool’s but all she could smell was the blood. It could as well be a rabbit’s. But something about the small, blue flowers scattered around made Mothwing certain that this had been no piece of prey. She turned back on her tracks, deciding she must’ve gone past the other medicine cat.

She kept trekking, more hopeful now, still calling out for Leafpool every now and then, and after a while of walking she Mothwing saw a lump of… something, half-buried under the snow. Her heart leaped in her throat. So she tried to run in the heavy cover of white, not much faster this way but feeling like every second would count.

Once by her side, Mothwing dug the head of the other cats from under the snow. Leafpool’s eyes were closed, half-frozen blood dripping from her mouth and staining the snow, those same, small, blue eyes in her mouth and apparently sprouting from her chest as well. She seemed… dead. But then Mothwing heard the faint sound of a whistling breath.

She was still alive.

Mothwing shook her fellow medicine cats shoulder in an attempt to wake her. The limp cat’s breath got a little faster for a moment, but she didn’t wake. Mothwing’s eyes stung.

“Leafpool? Please wake up. Please. It’s me, Mothwing.”

At that, Leafpool’s eyes opened just a little. She tried to breathe but ended up coughing weakly, blood and flower petals falling from her mouth to the snow. Mothwing stiffened with fear; she’d seen this before. Once the patient was too weak to cough, there wasn’t much hope left. She put her paw under Leafpool’s chin to support her head, not caring when her paw got stained with red.

“I’m sorry,” Leafpool spoke in a slurred, hoarse voice, that could’ve been missed if Mothwing hadn’t been listening so intently. One more tiny cough, before she gave up and Mothwing could hear the petals moving in her throat with every faint breath.

“I couldn’t… make it to you.”

By now Mothwing was shaking, not only from the cold. She’d been trying to keep the idea that Jayfeather had seemingly had, the one that Leafpool had left to the night in search for her out of her mind, but it seemed undeniable now that if Leafpool died she’d be responsible.

“You shouldn’t have left the camp,” the golden medicine cat spoke with a shaky voice. Leafpool let out something similar to a chuckle, but it could’ve been just another attempt to cough up those petals with no luck.

“I had to. I had to see you.” her voice was even weaker now, her breaths coming in short gasps.

“Why?” Mothwing asked, out of puzzlement but also to keep Leafpool awake just a little while longer.

“Because I love you.”

And just like that, everything made sense. Mothwing found herself smiling at the brown tabby lying in the snow, “I feel the same,” and then heaving her up enough so that she could reach those invasive flowers on Leafpool’s chest. She grabbed them and carefully pulled them off, expecting blood to spread onto the white chest fur but it never did.


End file.
